So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
