I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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