So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
