To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
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We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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