and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
