i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
