hotel room ftw
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
