My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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