I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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