now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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