Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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