she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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