My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
