Betty ford says i'm here all night
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
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He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
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She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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