Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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