can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
