There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
