I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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