It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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