OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
