Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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