Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
