My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
So. Much. Porn.
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