I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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