Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
