she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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