I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
