After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
