your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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