I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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