I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
