Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
