Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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