mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
