I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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