I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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