Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I looked at my own cervix.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
