I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
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Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.