Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
