somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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