I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
