Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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