you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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