omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
