I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize