worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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