it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
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