God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
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sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
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I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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