i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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