fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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