yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
