I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
