Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
