you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
