OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
