dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize