i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Boobs speak an international language.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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