so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
