Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
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You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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