The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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