Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
